Many persons want friendly, sympathetic listener

As the Reader’s Digest once said: “Many persons call a doctor when all they want is an audience.”
During the darkest hours of the Civil War, Lincoln Wrote to an old friend in Springfield, Illinois, asking him to come to Washington. Lincoln said he had some problems he wanted to discuss with him. The old neighbor called at the White House, and Lincoln talked to him for hours about the salves. Lincoln went over all the arguments for and against such a move, and then read letters and newspaper articles, some denouncing him for not freeing the salves and others denouncing him for fear he was going to free them. After talking for hours, Lincoln shook hands with his old neighbor, said good night, and sent him back to Illinois without even asking for his opinion. Lincoln had done all the talking himself. That seemed to clarify his mind.

“He seemed to feel easier after that talk,” the old friend said. Lincoln hadn’t wanted advice. He had wanted merely a friendly, sympathetic listener to whom he could unburden himself. That’s what we all want when we are in trouble. That is frequently all the irritated customer wants, and the dissatisfied employee or the hurt friend.

If you aspire to be a good conversationalist, be an attentive listener. To be interesting, be interested. Ask questions that other persons will enjoy answering. Encourage them to talk about themselves and their accomplishments.

Listening is just as important in one’s home life as in the world of business.
Millie Esposito of Croton-on-Hudson, New York, made it her business to listen carefully when one of her children wanted to speak with her. One evening she was sitting in the kitchen with her son, Robert, and after a brief discussion of something that was on his mind, Robert said: “Mom, I know that you love me very much.”

Mrs.Esposito was touched and said: “Of course I love you very much. Did you doubt it?” Robert responded: “No, but I really know you love me because whenever I want to talk to you about something, you stop whatever you are doing and listen to me.”
-- Excerpt from "How to Win Friends & Influence People"
Written by Dale Carnegie edited by Denik
Dale Carnegie (1888-1955) Pioneer in self-improvement training

Amish & Muslim examples

I read an article on the Amish school shooting on Oct2, 2006.
A grandfather of one of the murdered Amish girls says, “We must not think evil of this man.”
Amish neighbor comforted the murder’s family hours after the shooting and extended forgiveness to them.

While reading, I’ve just remembered Ms. Welty’s case.
She lost her son, Firefighter Timothy Matthew Welty in the line of duty at the World Trade Center on September 11th, 2001.
She visited Afghanistan in 2004, and met many families who had lost their homes and family members in the American bombing. She saw small children with artificial legs or arms, some were blind and all were scarred- not only physically but emotionally.

Yet, these people embraced her as a grieving mother, not as the enemy. They, like the families of 9/11, understand the true impact of the term civilian casualties.
Ms.Welty says, “We believe the cycle of violence and human trauma perpetrated in the name of our loved ones, must end, not only for ourselves, our own children and grandchildren, but for all generations to come on the face of the earth.”

"There is only one corner of the universe you can be certain of improving, and that's your own self."
-- Aldous Huxley (1894-1963) an English writer

24-yr-old Thompson rescued Vietnamese civilians

For years, the U.S. military tried to cover up the My Lai massacre. In 1968, Hugh Thompson, door-gunner Lawrence Colburn and crew chief Glenn Andreotta rescued Vietnamese civilians from his fellow GIs during the My Lai massacre.

They landed the helicopter in the line of fire between American troops and fleeing Vietnamese civilians and pointed their own guns at the U.S. soldiers to prevent more killings.

“There were no weapons captured. There were no draft-age males killed. They were civilians,” says Colburn, referring to the ditch filled with bodies. “It was full … some of the people were still, they were dying, they weren't all dead.”

“I saved the people because I wasn't taught to murder and kill. I can't answer for the people who took part in it,” says Thompson. “I apologize for the ones that did. I just wished we could have helped more people that day.”
In fact, they did help more people. Thompson and Colburn found nine or 10 villagers cowering in a bunker. They radioed for a couple of choppers, which airlifted all of them to safety.

Later, Thompson was treated not as a hero, but as a traitor. He suffered snubs and worse from those who considered him unpatriotic. He recalled a congressman angrily saying that Thompson himself was the only serviceman who should be punished because of My Lai.

As the years passed, Thompson became an example for future generations of soldiers, said Col. Tom Kolditz, head of the U.S. Military Academy's behavioral sciences and leadership department. Thompson went to West Point once a year to give a lecture on his experience, Kolditz said.

In 1998, the Army honored the three men with the prestigious Soldier's Medal, the highest award for bravery not involving conflict with an enemy.

"It was the ability to do the right thing even at the risk of their personal safety that guided these soldiers to do what they did," Army Maj. Gen. Michael Ackerman said at the 1998 ceremony. The three "set the standard for all soldiers to follow."

But 30 years had passed since the massacre, and Thompson says it was strangely unsatisfying. Too late, he says, from a reluctant military leadership. But he felt far different on the stage in Nashville, as he was inducted on the first ballot into the Army Aviation Hall of Fame.

He says it’s a big honor. “This is my peers electing me to put me in there,” says Thompson. “This is my fellow aviators. And that makes me feel good.”

Thompson died Jan. 6. 2006. He was 62 yrs old. I shall never forget you.

--Excerpt from
Common dreams (a national non-profit citizens' organization)
60 Minutes

Why did Andrew Carnegie pick 38-yr-old-Schwab ?

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One of the first people in American business to be paid a salary of over a million dollars a year was Charles Schwab.
He had been picked by Andrew Carnegie to become the first president of the newly formed United States Steel Company in 1921, when Schwab was only thirty-eight years old.

Schwab says that he was paid this salary largely because of his ability to deal with people.

"I consider my ability to arouse enthusiasm among my people. The greatest asset I possess, the way to develop the best that is in a person is by appreciation and encouragement.
There is nothing else that so kills the ambitions of a person as criticisms from superiors. I never criticize anyone. I believe in giving a person incentive to work. So I am anxious to praise but loath to find fault. If I like anything, I am hearty in my approbation and lavish in my praise."

This is what Schwab did. But what do average people do? The exact opposite. If they don't like a thing, they bawl out their subordinates; if they do like it, they say nothing.

"In my wide association in life, meeting with many and great people in various parts of the world," Schwab declared, "I have yet to find the person, however great or exalted his station, who did not do better work and put forth greater effort under a spirit of approval than he would ever do under a spirit of criticism."
That he said, frankly, was one of the outstanding reasons for the phenomenal success of Andrew Carnegie. Carnegie praised his associates publicly as well as privately.

Carnegie wanted to praise his assistants even on his tombstone. He wrote an epitaph for himself which read: "Here lies one who knew how to get around him men who were cleverer than himself."
-- Excerpt from "How to Win Friends & Influence People"
Written by Dale Carnegie edited by Denik
Dale Carnegie (1888-1955) Pioneer in self-improvement training

He had been told he was 'brain-damaged'

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If you want to help others to improve, remember...

"My son David, he had led a rough life. His mother and I were divorced after a car accident. Until he was fifteen he had spent most of his school years in special classes for slow learners in the Dallas school system. He was two years behind his age group, so he was only in the seventh grade. Yet he did not know his multiplication tables, added on his fingers and could barely read.

There was one positive point. He loved to work on radio and TV sets. He wanted to become a TV technician. I encouraged this and pointed out that he needed math to qualify for the training. I decided to help him become proficient in this subject. We obtained four sets of flash cards: multiplication, division, addition and subtraction. I made a big deal out of each card he got right, particularly if he had missed it previously. Each night we would go through the repeat stack until there were no cards left. Each night we timed the exercise with a stop watch.

I promised him that when he could get all the cards correct in eight minutes with no incorrect answers, we would quit doing it every night. This seemed an impossible goal to David. The first night it took 52 minutes, the second night, 48, then 45, 44, 41, then under 40 minutes. We celebrated each reduction. I'd call in my wife, and we would both hug him and we'd all dance a jig.

At the end of the month he was doing all the cards perfectly in less than eight minutes. When he made a small improvement he would ask to do it again.
He had made the fantastic discovery that learning was easy and fun.
Other changes came with almost unbelievable rapidity.

He had been told he was 'brain-damaged,' who had been called 'Frankenstein' by his classmates and told his brains must have leaked out of the cut on his head.
Once he found learning was easy, his whole life changed."
-- Excerpt from "How to Win Friends & Influence People"
Written by Dale Carnegie edited by Denik

Benjamin Franklin "I will speak ill of no man"

B.F.Skinner, the world-famous psychologist, proved through his experiments that an animal rewarded for good behavior will learn much more rapidly and retain what it learns far more effectively than an animal punished for bad behavior. Later studies have shown that the same applies to humans. By Criticizing, we do not make lasting changes and often incur resentment.

Hans Selye, another great psychologist, said, "As much as we thirst for approval, we dread condemnation."

Criticism is futile because it puts a person on the defensive and usually makes him strive to justify himself. Criticism is dangerous, because it wounds a person's precious pride, hurts his sense of importance, and arouses resentment.

(... Abraham Lincoln put the letter aside, for he had learned by bitter experience that sharp criticisms and rebukes almost invariably end in futility.)

Benjamin Franklin, tactless in his youth, became so diplomatic, so adroit at handling people, that he was made American Ambassador to France. The secret of his success? "I will speak ill of no man," he said, "... and speak all the good I know of everybody."
-- Excerpt from "How to Win Friends & Influence People"
Written by Dale Carnegie

If we cultivate our mind, it will bear good fruit

"Who could find time, in this overworked and tired-out family, to bother about Gregor more than absolutely needful? The household was reduced more and more. Various family ornaments, which his mother and sister used to wear with pride at parties and celebrations, had to be sold."
Franz Kafka 《Metamorphosis》

While I felt real sympathy for Gregor, I realized clearly that hardship, exhaustion and prejudice contaminated people's mind easily.

By suffering hardships, I could understand both situations. If we cultivate our mind to look for the causes of wrongdoing so as to do better next time, I'm sure our spiritual life will become better.

The meaning of ' sightseeing ' in Chinese character

I like Kanji (Chinese character) very much.
Chinese character was developed 3500 years ago in China.
In the 5th-6th century, it came to Japan. It's really nice of you to come!

Chinese character represents an idea or thing rather than the sound of a word.
For example, 'I'm busy' = 忙しい= いそがしい = isogashii
It means 'lose'+'heart,mind'.
Another example, 'sightseeing' = 観光 =　かんこう = kankou　
It means 'see'+'light'.
Sightseeing means that the activity of visiting famous or interesting places. In a word, we see some places in a new (better, different) light. Everyone wants to see 'light'.

Seeing Chinese character, we can inspire the imagination anytime, anywhere.

Franz Kafka 29 yrs old 'Metamorphosis'

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Franz Kafka (1883-1924) was born into German-speaking Jewish family in Prague (Czech: Praha), the capital of Bohemia (then in Austria-Hungary, now the Czech Republic). When he was 29yrs old, he wrote Metamorphosis (Die Verwandlung) and it came out 3 yrs later.

When I was a teenager, I enjoyed this book as a comedy rather than a tragedy.It was because japanese translation was so good that I imagined his metamorphosis visually. Many years later, I read it again and tears flooded my eyes. My impression of this book changed completely.
I tasted 'Metamorphosis' like an aged wine.

After Gregor's metamorphosis, his family changes dramatically. He can't do without the good influence of the furniture on his state of mind but his family takes away everything he loves.
Before his sister goes to business, hurriedly pushes into his room with her foot any food that is available and in the evening clears it out again with one sweep of the broom. He is treated like a white elephant.

There has been a time when he prides himself on being considerate, but his circumstances are little by little conditioning his character.

'Metamorphosis' tells us many things.

"The most important thing in life is not to capitalize on your gains. Any fool can do that. The really important thing is to profit from your losses. That requires intelligence; and it makes the difference between a man of sense and a fool."
--- William Bolitho

Prevention is better than cure

Researchers found people who took the antidepressant Paxil were twice as likely to have violent or "hostility event" as those given a placebo. Paxil (Generic: Paroxetine hci) also increases suicide risk in young adults aged 18-30. Link

SSRIs (selective serotonin reuptake inhibitor) are expensive and once you take SSRI, you can't stop taking easily. Link
It says,"Paroxetine users should not discontinue and resume treatment with more than a few days' gap between dosings"
I hope your doctor inform you these risks before prescribing.

While it's a doctor's duty to cure a patient of their disease, they have to make a profit for their employees. Some are on the horns of a dilemma, others sell themselves for sales. ex. I feel such behavior is indicative of a broader corporate philosophy which seeks to hide or downplay negative news at the expense of potential issues of consumer safety.

If you have an intuition that there is something wrong, it's better not to take these sorts of drugs."Discretion is the better part of valor" means that it is better to be careful than to take unnecessary risks.
In the long run, not a doctor but you are in control. It's your life. Depression provides a chance for us to restart.

Franz Kafka 29ans Metamorphosis

English
Franz Kafka (1883- 1924) est né à Prague (en tchèque Praha), alors capitale de la Bohême qui faisait partie de l'empire austro-hongrois.
Il a écrit La Métamorphose (Die Verwandlung) en 1912. C'était quand il avait 29ans.
Trois ans après, cette oeuvre a paru.

Avant j'ai goûté à cette oeuvre comme un cocktail entre tragédie et comédie. Parce qu'un traducteur japonais a été excellent, donc j'ai complètement oublié que c'était une tragédie. Mais il est possible que la tragédie ait beaucoup d'éléments de la comédie.

Hier, je l'ai lu après longtemps et j'ai eu les yeux voilés de larmes.
Le critique dit que ce héros est mort à cause de la pomme que son père lui a jeté. C'est vrai?

Pour moi, il a l'air de cesser de vivre lui même.
Peu à peu il a été abandonné par sa famille.
Peu à peu il a perdu son mobilier qu'il a chérissait.
Je comprends très bien ce qu'il a éprouvé.

M.X lui, est toujours en vie

English
Les gens disent "Il faut respecter les parents" ,mais quand un tel traite ses enfants rudement, ils doivent l'endurer pour un reste de leur vie?

Un beau dimanche, les voisins de M.X ont organisé une réunion et ont décidé de ne plus rien lui vendre.
Le but principal est de faire cesser les brutalités morales et physiques de M.X sur son enfant. Contre toute attente, les voisins ont seulement fait mourir de faim l'enfant.
M.X lui, est toujours en vie.

Utilisons l'art de lire dans le coeur d'autrui pour les enfants.

The secret is here in the present. THE ALCHEMIST

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People say "Be good to your parents.", but when X treats their child badly, X's son/daughter still has to endure for the rest of his/her life?

One fine Sunday, the neighbors had a meeting and decided not to sell anything for X. The main purpose was to stop psychological and physical abuse of children. The results didn't meet their expectations. Economic sanctions just isolated children from their friends. X always survives historically.

A skillful piece of negotiation, not by force is the best countermeasure.
There's no settlement without negotiations.
Let's not neglect X's children.

Excerpt from "The Alchemist" (Alquimista) 1988
"How do I guess at the future? Based on the omens of the present. The secret is here in the present. If you pay attention to the present, you can improve upon it. And, if you improve on the present, what comes later will also be better. Forget about the future, and live each day according to the teachings, confident that God loves his children. Each day, in itself, brings with it an eternity.

God only rarely reveals the future. When he does so, it is for only one reason: it's a future that was written so as to be altered."

Walking along in the silence, he had no regrets. If he died tomorrow, it would be because God was not willing to change the future.
Written by Paulo Coelho (1947 -) Brazilian novelist

Brendan Graham and John Lennon

I usually hum a favorite tune to myself.
I can't quite get lyrics in English, so I'm often amazed to know that meaning long afterward.

"You Raise Me Up" Lyrics by Brendan Graham (1945- )
When I am down and, oh my soul, so weary
When troubles come and my heart burdened be
Then, I am still and wait here in the silence,
Until you come and sit awhile with me.

You raise me up, so I can stand on mountains.
You raise me up, to walk on stormy seas
I am strong, when I am on your shoulders
You raise me up... to more than I can be.

There is no life - no life without its hunger
Each restless heart beats so imperfectly
But when you come and I am filled with wonder,
Sometimes, I think I glimpse eternity.

That reminds me of "Any Time At All" released in 1964 by John Lennon (1940-1980), Paul McCartney (1942-)
Great lyrics and tune chime in exact harmony with excellent singers and transcend time and space.

"Any Time At All"
Any time at all, all you gotta do is call.
And I'll be there.

If you need somebody to love
Just look into my eyes
I'll be there to make you feel right
If you're feeling sorry and sad
I'd really sympathize.
Don't you be sad
Just call me tonight.

If the sun has faded away
I'll try to make it shine.
There is nothing I won't do.
When you need a shoulder to cry on
I hope it will be mine.
Call me tonight
And I'll come to you.

Any time at all, all you gotta do is call.
And I'll be there.

L'image Fausse de prostituée

English
Autrefois, au Japon, la femme ne pouvait pas librement choisir son mari.
Quand je vois le journal télévisé du passé, le plus souvent, un spectacle bizarre s’offre à moi.
La femme baisse toujours les yeux et est tacitune. L’homme semble juger sa femme sur l’apparence comme on choisit une tomate pour le dinner. Je reste bouche bée quand le commentateur dit du bien de ce comportement soumis de la femme.

Malgré cette situation sociale, Kenji Mizoguchi a traité les femmes sur le même pied dans ses films. La description psychologique et l’attitude de la femme sont naturelles.
Je sens combien Kenji respectait les femmes.

Sa soeur aînée travaillait pour nourrir leur famille comme geisha (chanteuse et danseuse invitée lors des grandes réceptions)
C'est probablement pourquoi il a dépeint les femmes, y compris les prostituées, sans discrimination.

La prostitution, c’est comme vendre son âme.
Beaucoup de femmes, y compris des enfants, sont actuellement dans cette situation.
La prostituée est le plus souvent mal représentée dans des films, des émissions de télé.

Coline Serreau (Réalisatrice) “Chaos” (2001)
Charlize Theron “Monster” (2003) Ce film est basé sur une histoire vraie.
Il est utile de remettre en cause nos croyances.
Je ne suis pas si heureuse.